Bah humbug

I am no where close to having the Christmas spirit. I celebrate the birth of the Messiah all the time not just the twenty fifth. This year is particularly difficult with all of the changes that are occurring in my life. The business that I am trying to build is being effected by the recession. The product I created are a luxury and folks are still for the most apart in survival mode. So the trinket I sell is an afterthought. I won't quit though, it's always been for the future. Like this blog it's something to leave behind to my heirs to say they remember I was here. I want to be immortalized by something, anything being handed down to future generations. I tell my oldest son, that when the business is successful I want him to at least continue to have a part in it and hang a picture of me and remind others who started it all.

At Christmas time I tend to reflect on what the year was or wasn't. I under the tree and think, how did I provide for my children. This year is a lean year so the tree will reflect it. Having been poor and hungry a bit in my life as compared to me my children are all very well provided for. New homes, good clothing, games, tablets, computers, phones, food never runs out, what more could a child want. Being behind the scenes I make sure they never notice the bills I juggle from time to time because an unexpected expense came up. Or my poor math skills cost me a fee. I only tell the bigger ones when times are lean. Funny even when dead broke and a negative balance in the bank, God has always provided a way to feed my children and have a roof over their heads. I have never doubted Him in that, my path or walk or direction, well that's another issue.

Maybe it's that just today it feels like winter for the first time. Having grown up some of my life in New York I'd be already freezing and wearing a freaking parka. There may have been some snow already and the trees would be bare. Just a few days ago I was wearing shorts. I miss some of the Puerto Rican traditions of my past. My whole family making pasteles. Pasteles are like giant Mexican tamales wrapped in banana leaves. Oh yes they are better than tamales hands down. I was always assigned to the grating green bananas. Dozens and dozens of different roots and bananas would be grated and made into the paste that makes up the body. On the stove top would be all kinds of different meats stewing to be the filling. Our family would make hundreds. We'd always eat two or three at a time. Yeah, that would put me in the spirit.