Handout, hope gone

There have been so many times in my adult life I had the opportunity to get a handout. I've been poor enough for welfare and food stamps and for some reason I hung on and worked through my poverty and kept what I thought was my pride. I was injured in the line of duty eleven years ago. I was out on workers compensation trying to heal a back injury. My pay was slashed by 50%. My life was spiraling down with a pending divorce and the death of my father. I lost most of everything I had and had to file for bankruptcy. My lawyer recommended chapter 7 which would have keep me from paying anyone. Instead I took responsibility and chose chapter 13 and paid my creditors in full in 15 months. The plan takes five years.

In college, working part time and married there were many times we lived paycheck to paycheck and there wasn't enough. I could have walked into the local office and applied for food stamps. What I did was sell my blood plasma for grocery money, to this day you can see the scars of the dozens of times I did it. When I was healthy, my first wife would stay at home with the children and I would work and work and work. If we needed money, I would find a part time job to work and sleep later. I worked myself sick one year, but kept my pride. The fridge was full 99% of the time, I have never had a car repossessed or been foreclosed on or had anything taken from me that I owned on. I would always find a way to provide.

I have had miracles happen also. I told my oldest son last week that when I was newly divorced from their mom and living on my own, I ran out of money for food. I was coming back from a doctors appointment trying to not get my back operated on. I noticed a lady broken down on the side of a very lonely stretch of road and felt obligated to help. As I came up to her vehicle she wouldn't roll down the window. I pulled out my badge and told her I would help because this wasn't a good neighborhood to be alone and broken down. Though it hurt like hell I got her car fixed. The well to do lady handed me a wad of cash which I refused. The woman squeezed it into to my hands and said, "take your kids out with it". I saw a couple of dollar bill and accepted.

I drove down the rode and thought that at least now I can buy milk and a box of cereal. I started think what I could do without breaking the rules to find grocery money. I kept unfolding the money, and unfolding. I counted $62.00. I cried and looked up to the heavens and just simply said thank you. I went right to the grocery store and with some coupons we had enough until I got my little paycheck. I was allowed to keep my pride. I had to work to keep it. I am proud to be a survivor. With millions filing for government assistance, I feel a sense of pride that though I can, I don't.